Lessons from Marriage

By Dr. Nicole Ferguson

My husband and I have been together for 9 years and in holy matrimony for 3. Here are some things I’ve learned on marriage so far:

1. Being single and dating is way easier than being married because you can opt-out at any given time. Marriage is more like falling in love with the same person many times over the course of your lifetime even as life changes you both. 

2. When I was dating I wished for marriage. Now that I’m married, I wish I had used that time more wisely. There are things/places/goals, I should’ve done while I didn’t have to answer to anyone and could spend money on what I wanted without worrying how it would affect someone else. 

3. Pay attention to red flags and be accepting of your partner’s baggage before you say I do. Everyone has baggage. However, know that most people won’t change unless they want to. If anything, marriage makes you more comfortable so those things are magnified. 

4. Marrying late is better than marrying wrong.  If you marry the wrong person, 1-3 will be nearly impossible. I wanted to get married by a certain time and I’m glad that didn’t happen because I would be quite miserable now. Time flies by and the years I did wait doesn’t matter anymore knowing I’m where I’m supposed to be.

5. Marry your best friend. This is probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned. If you are friends first, you will be more patient with them, more forgiving and more accepting of the ups and downs as they come. You are more likely to have fun and find the fun in the little things like going shopping or running errands. Love is one thing, but true friendship is forever.

Dr. Nicole Ferguson, a native of Buffalo, NY, is an award-winning educator, motivational speaker, mental health advocate and author of “Unstoppable Joy: The Art of Finding Hope, Healing and Happiness.”

Dr. Ferguson holds a Ph.D in Health Communication from George Mason University, and a M.S. in Media Communication from Rochester Institute of Technology. She is currently working towards a second M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy in hopes of becoming a private practice clinician.